I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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