My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
