I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
