I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
