you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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