ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
