just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
