Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
