He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
