Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
