Don't you send me to vm
well you can't waste a boner
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize