So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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