are you still at the devil's house?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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