I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How does one acquire holy water?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
