well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
