dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
