My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
