Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
