Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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