Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Randomize