your thong is hanging out like whoa
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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