We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
