Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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