I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This is the high leading the old right now
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
