highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I need to calm my uterus...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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