I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
