its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
