***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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