i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
