I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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