her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We are two peas in an std pod
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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