There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
