this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
