I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
