I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
