I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
