You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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