smell my finger.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize