I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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