Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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