I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
