Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
