just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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