So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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