Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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