and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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