dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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