i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
