with your own penis?
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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