Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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