I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
