dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
