Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
