I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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