I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
