Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
