I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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