break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
