You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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