The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
