I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
