we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
