i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
