rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize