Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Come on in and take your pants off
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