me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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