Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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