i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
