Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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