I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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