dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
