Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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