yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
