What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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