I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
