i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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