High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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