How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
