i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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