if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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