You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize