I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
