I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
