The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
