thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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