My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
