You're completely useless in the revolution.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
