Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
