you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
