dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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