dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
