I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
