When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
