Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
