Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
