If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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