5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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