I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
