I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
