I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
