I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
