Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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