Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
