First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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