If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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