yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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