The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize