I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
