what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
